7 posts tagged “chris”
Wow, sorry it has been so long since I updated my blog. The problem is I am now keeping a public blog here on Vox. I wish I could share that information with you but since I have photos of me and a pretty good size fan base now following my every move on it, I simply can't.
Here's a quick update on my weight loss. I have lost 20 pounds in 3 months. I'm feeling more confident, prettier and sexier. I am still totally single with no bites. Oh unless you want to count the few pathetic messages I have received on myspace from a 20 yr old and a 22 yr old. The 20 yr old said "I would love to have sex with you one day" and today I received a message from a 22 yr old asking if we could be sex buddies. Dorks!
Anyhow, I am doing well. Graduated from college and am now seeking full time employment while working only 1 day a week in my former intern office.
My sister is officially driving me nuts. She's now been living with me for 3 months and I really don't know how much more I can take this. She continuously leaves dirty dishes from her "dinner" making in the sink overnight and sometimes they sit there for 2-3 days. She yells at her son all the time so I am constantly closing my bedroom door to escape her madness. I am a prisoner in my own home. I can't afford my mortgage alone but if things don't shape up, I am going to have to kick her out and find a decent roommate.
Still waiting on prince charming to sweep me off my feet and waiting to fall madly in love with him.
Gamer geek and I have not really spoken much since that last conversation. he is on his yahoo 24/7 and I assume that dork is just playing WoW 24/7 as well. All this talk about "I need to get a job" is just that, talk. It seriously is no wonder why his girlfriend of 4 yrs broke things off with him. He is unmotivated to do something with his life.
DE still insists that we will have wild sex once I hit my goal weight. At his expense. he is willing to fly me out and treat me like a queen. He also shared with me over the weekend how he went to a strip joint and there was a stripper that reminded him of me. "You should take that as a compliment that I paid the thicker stripper in the joint with the smaller boobs because she reminded me of you. I seriously think I have a soft spot for thick latinas".
2 weeks later and I finally speak to Chris about the entire booty call situation. I was honest how I felt towards him. I told him I felt completely rejected and he assured me he did not reject me. For simplicity sake, my conversation is the black and his is the blue.
Whyfore has you disappeared from the realm of my existence?
i dunno
embarassed i guess
Oiy!
No embarrassment!
well you totally rejected me
Baaahhh
Did not.
yea, ya did
No I didn't, I still maintain I was about to have sex with you that last night, but you unfortunately took the herpes joke literally and personally, and things went south
well you were more than hesitant and the herpes joke became like your last blow to ensure I would leave it alone
so naturally I felt completely rejected by you, the one who I said I felt safe with
Well, I'm sorry for that. I do feel badly about how things turned out. I don't really want the friendship to be weird because I didn't sleep with you. ::frowns:: I was honest with you before I came to Cali and said I couldn't guarantee anything.
well it's weird
i can't tell you how much I thought about it afterwards
my self esteem was totally shot
yes you did say you wouldn't know how things would be but then the last few conversations you had completely flipped and seemed to be more certain it would happen
worse than a woman!
Yeah, I'm a bit wonky.
Well I didn't know you had invested so much into sleeping with me that it would kill your self esteem. I know you won't either believe me or understand that the reason I didn't sleep with you, really had nothing to do with anything I did or didn't like about you.
just imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned
Well.. you weren't the only one looking forward to it.
if I sat there masturbating to you over the phone, and talking sexy to you on the chat and then we meet and you attempted a move and I told you " I'm just not horny"
And I actually WAS just about to call ya over to my bed, heck I had been stroking myself for like 10 minutes before I made the herpes joke. Which..apparently my penis is sensitive to the mood in a room, cause he went totally dead as soon as I picked up your reaction.
well it wasn't funny if that was your intent
it was a total mood killer and made me mad at you
It was meant to be funny.
Every now and then, I do say something dumb.
with the intentions of offending someone?
Considering how often we talked, I'm allowed one dumb thing now and then. it's just unfortunate it
How would I know you'd take my making a joke about herpes, a joke I've made with other people, as me calling you a slut.
Heck I've accused my brother in law of giving me herpes.
Hardly think he's a slut. ><
because usually a joke is partial truth
...
Considering you can get herpes from a towel..
I don't see someone being a slut because they have it
I swear, I didn't reject YOU. I know you'll feel that I did, but I swear I didn't.
i do not know how to accept what you say is true
I just beat myself up. I'm too fat, too ugly, too annoying, not smart enough
Oiy. happened right before nooky.
(my friend) came and tried to cheer me up and yes he did try to hit on me
and I just ignored his efforts and a day or two later I wondered if that was the same situation with us
Okay.
i never see (my friend) romantically and I would not sleep with him
Let me ask you something.
Let's say the situation was switched.
If you went into a "booty call" with a good friend who you've had for a couple of years, and you were flip flopping all over the place before anything happened. Would you expect that friend to place so much importance on that booty call that they'd kill their self esteem because it didn't happen?
Cause I didn't realize this was important enough to you that if it didn't happen, that you'd be this down on yourself, especially considering that you didn't get rejected.
We're friends before we're a booty call, and I have been nothing but honest with you.
you'll never see it as rejecting me because you don't want to feel any blame for it
Yes, I wanted to sleep with you before I went, and yes, I wanted to sleep with you while I was there, but for some reason, I just wasn't comfortable with the situation until that last night, then I made that stupid joke that you took far more personally than I thought you would.
i'm a woman Chris, its only natural for me overanalyze why things didn't happen
I overanalyze too.
and unfortunately it starts with me feeling I am inadequate
i wasn't comfortable the first night
and chances are if things would have progressed I probably would have gotten over it and embarrassed just being with you
so that last night I knew it was the last attempt
and you were a hard nut to crack and with you being so hesitant, I was already feeling rejected even as I was trying to coax you into the situation
oops embraced not embarrassed
Well my mistake is that I didn't consider that you might take the situation as seriously as it was taken. I looked at it due to the previous conversations as just a booty call that may or may not happen with two friends, and if it didn't, we'd be all good.
I'm sure it was pretty obvious days before that it was going to happen more so than not
it's not so much the point that I was expecting it to happen
it's the fact that I attempted, heck I would have physically tried to arouse you but I was seriously afraid you would physically push me away
which would have been even more embarrassing
Well that last night I would have, I was just trying to think of a way to say, get your butt over. Which, in hindsight, I should have just said, get your butt over here.
well clearly you fail!
all you had to do was say ok!
I know.
i was just trying to think of an appropriately witty and cute way to do it
instead you prevail at killing the mood!
Not much else to say or do now so I am not sure where to go from here. I don't want to lose his friendship but I never even got to what had happened on Sunday. In which he ditched our plans to hang out to be with his family.
I don't want to write this. I really don't. I am humiliated, rejected and frustrated!
First of all, I had a great time in SoCal. Well for most of the trip anyhow. I hung out with Ryan and I got to meet Ethan. I did end up meeting Chris, which turned out to be; well rather awkward.
All this talk of the booty call for the past few weeks was exactly that....talk. He didn't hit on me and he never even tried to kiss me. So you can safely assume that he never touched my body in ways we had spoken about. He was incredibly shy and incredibly dorky. To be honest he is not the type of man I'd ever go for, not in a million years. He's not as confident or assertive as I like my man to be. He was not a real looker. Just your average videogamer geek-boy.
I bet you are wondering why am I humiliated? I am humiliated because for once in my life I actually was playing the role of the creepy man and he was in the role of the hesitant female. He resisted my charm and temptation and believe me; after 3 vodka and cranberries I was pulling out all the sexy talk. I was not drunk but I was tipsy. Shoot I needed a drink to ease my nerves and convince myself to even hit on him.
He provided a slew of excuses why he shouldn't bone me. His main reasoning was he was afraid he'd get attached. Then it was the excuse of just not being horny. Dammit that would have been no problem if he'd only touch me! There was also the "I'll disappoint you. I have a small penis". Then it got much worse. I guess in his twisted little geekboy mind he decided his best defense was to totally offend me. Genius actually says "I might get THE herpes". In 1 second flat he totally killed the mood, my libido and also proved to me why this retard is TERRIBLE with the ladies. I rolled over and laid there in absolute silence thinking about what a total dickhead he was. Disclaimer: I do not have herpes. He said repeatedly that it was just a joke and that he used to joke with his ex that she gave him herpes. Haha, real funny douchebag! Again let me point out he said "ex". Maybe she didn't think the herpes joke was too funny either. Learn from your mistakes, douche!
You are probably asking yourself why an attractive woman like myself was lowering her standards to begging for sex from a geekboy. Well to be honest I think it was more of a pity sex thing. Like I would somehow give him fulfillment. Like he was missing out on life for not being with me. I'm a MILF. I would be his first older woman. I would make his first trip to California unforgettable. I wanted to boost his sexual confidence. Instead he only made me angry and frustrated. Even more frustrated that I spent almost $1,000.00 fucking dollars to meet him. Seriously, I could have spent that on an awesome vacation with my son to Disneyland.
That was just the icing on the cake. There were a few other days that his complete asshole qualities came out.
His greatest concern was if we slept together, things would change between us. Well now because we didn't sleep together, things HAVE changed between us. I am humiliated and I really don't want to speak to him right now. And maybe never. He wasn't a very good friend to me and he certainly turned out to be a lousy week-long fling.
I called my friend Mario and told him what a fool I had made out of myself the night before; and how I had totally thrown myself at Chris. Mario decided to drive down and make my last day memorable. I can report that Mario would have slept with me had I said yes. He flirted and attempted to make his motives obvious to me but I just couldn't do it. It made me think if I had done the same thing to Chris. I only view Mario as a friend and maybe Chris saw me as "A Mario".
The only good thing to come from this is at least I can still keep to my promise of not sleeping with someone until I care for them. I won't have to say I failed on my 43things list now.
So I have been studying my arse off the past 2 days preparing for my written board that was scheduled for today. I arrive 30 minutes before exam time as directed. They ask for my driver's license, so I hand it to them and they tell me it is expired. Quickly I respond with "No it isn't". Yes, yes it was. It expired on my birthday in May. I never received any sort of notification from the DMV and I do not expect my license all the time anticipating it's expiration.
They tell me they cannot give me the exam unless I have a valid license or passport. I do not have a passport so my only option was to head straight to the DMV to take care of getting a new license ASAP. I almost broke down as soon as I got back out to my car but then I figured it was all for a good reason. Maybe I wasn't mentally ready for this exam yet. And thank God it was discovered now rather then 2 months from now at my practical exam that is only scheduled once every 3 months! I would have absolutely died if that happened!
Anyhow, after waiting over 1 1/2 hours for my number to be called, I get a customer service agent with a sense of humor and a pinch of boldness. First he tells me how different I look now compared to my old license picture. I explain to him that I have dropped a lot of weight since. So then he starts inquiring about how much did I weigh then and then he asks what do I weigh now. So I tell him "202" and he then says well your form you just filled out says 195, so you're lying? I told him "Yes, yes I am lying". He then asks if I want him to record 202 or do I want 195. I tell him just put 195. I then explain to him my dilema about flying on Tuesday and not having a valid license. he responds with "Are you always this paranoid?" I tell him, well I am just concerned because you are going to confiscate my old license right? he doesn't respond but he hands me back my old license and my little slip of paper that says I have a valid license. So now I am just hoping the airline company accepts my expired license as a form of photo ID.
I spoke to Chris last night on the phone and it has pretty much been decided by him that he is going to share my hotel room with me when I head to LA next week. To be honest I am pretty freaked out about it. I haven't shared a bed with anyone since I was dating David a few years ago. Not only that but all the other "stuff" freaks me out. Ok I mean pooping. I'm a poop at home only type of woman. I can poop at my parents home and my sister's but that's it!
Also having him sleep in the same bed may prevent me from sleeping at all. Either I will be so paranoid about passing gas in my sleep all night long or I will also be afraid I may snore. You know, all the normal things you worry about the first time you have someone spend the night with you. We are not a couple so that is what makes it all the more weird. We're friends..yea we're just friends. Ok we're most likely going to be friends with 1 week benefits. But that's it, just friends. This is going to be so weird.
2 more days until my graduation and 6 more days until my vacation!
Meet my new weight loss buddy/coach.
I've survived 3 weeks on my diet and exercise plan. I only went over my calorie count once this week and it was only by 120 calories. No real damage. I happily report that I lost 2 pounds this week. Yay! That is a total of 10 pounds since I began.
I have 3 more weeks to try and drop 9 pounds before my LA trip so I can look and feel fantastic before meeting Chris and meeting up with some other friends. It's crazy that I care about what I look like when I meet Chris when this is clearly a physical thing and I may never even see him again after this. I know I am not just doing this for Chris. I just want to be pleasing to the eye I guess.
I love that I am so motivated to get below my pre-pregnancy weight. I have full faith in myself that I can reach that goal.
Oh yea, I am totally addicted to Metro Station - Shake it. The song has been stuck in my head for a week now. It's so darn catchy!
I decided I would treat myself to a real vacation and by myself. No son and no family rushing me or frowning at me for not being back at my hotel room by midnight.
It all started with Chris jokingly asked if I could be his booty call when he comes out to CA for his stepbrother's wedding. I just laughed because I thought he was joking and just being a goof. No, he was dead serious! So once I realized he was serious, I said ok. I figured it would be kinda nice to have sex with someone I felt safe with. Even though it would be strictly platonic, I felt it would be ok.
chris will be in the Anaheim area for a week in July. At first he was gonna try and arrange to drive up here, but that is a ridiculously long drive. By the time he got to me, he'd have to return home. So I offered to go down for a few days. And a few days turned into a week. Now I am planning out my week there. Going to Disneyland and California Adventure one day with my friend Ryan and then going to Medieval Times another night with my friend Ethan. Then spending the other evenings and days with Chris.
So after Mr.Godfearing abruptly logged off yahoo in the middle of our conversation, I deleted him from my yahoo list. I logged on this evening am just as baffled as before. This was our brief conversation.
Session Start (beautifuldisaster: Mr. Godfearing): Wed May 07 17:56:42 2008
[17:56] Mr. Godfearing: Hello baby! How are you doing? [Offline Message (Wed May 07 17:56:41 2008)]
[17:56] *** "Mr. Godfearing" signed on at Wed May 07 17:56:59 2008.
[17:57] beautifuldisaster: hey
[17:58] beautifuldisaster: how's nigeria?
[17:58] *** "Mr. Godfearing" signed off at Wed May 07 17:58:39 2008.
Session Close (Mr. Godfearing): Wed May 07 18:00:06 2008
I seriously do not understand this man at all. Meh, screw him, right?
On to the latest news. There are 2 guys I am talking to and I am happy to report they are local. They are Chris and Erik. To be honest I am not feeling Chris as much as I am Erik. Maybe it's because with Chris, I really am not making a good effort to get to know him. He seems nice and all but rather difficult to get a solid conversation going with. He sorta asks the same questions I just discussed in a previous message. So it feels like I have to be the one to fight to keep the conversation going. I don't like that. It's awkward and uncomfortable.
Also, Chris does have 2 little girls both under the age of 4 but was never married. At least his myspace (Yes I met him on myspace) only says single and not divorced. And if he wasn't married, it makes me wonder how people can just go around having kids while not showing a true commitment, ie marriage.
Chris is cute and a Christian but I'm not sure how deep into his faith he is. He hasn't really discussed it much.
Now Erik on the other hand, is a delight to talk with. He seems to write sincere replies with an effort to try and get to know me. He's not a California native so that's pretty cool. I'm starting to think Californian men suck. Erik has been here in Cali for 1 year. he's divorced with no kids and is 1 year older than me. Best part is he is a Christian and also looking for a Christian woman. He has green eyes, he's tan, with brown hair and a goatee. He's about 2 inches taller than me with an athletic build.
Erik is easy to talk to and we have set a date for our first meeting on Monday. *smiles* I can't believe it has been 9 months since someone peeked my interest of even wanting to meet up. I hate getting my hopes up. As usual, I am almost always disappointed.
Erik is easy to talk to so I bet we feel comfortable during coffee. :)
