8 posts tagged “de”

I was really mad tonight. This is just total BS. Stupid me, went back on my own word about not suggesting meeting up but I felt bad for him. He got laid off and I wanted to cheer him up so I asked if he just wanted to meet up for coffee to hang out and chat. He was all gung ho for it and asking me what time and for me to pick a place and it didn't matter where exactly it was that we would figure it out upon arrival etc.

We were planning to meet up at 7:00pm. I get a text message at 6:15pm saying he just walked into his softball meeting but it was suppose to end at 7:00pm. He did say he would be a little late. ok, so I take off in my car and arrive at the meeting point at 7:15. He sends a message at 7:30 saying he is still in the meeting and he will be out soon. 8:00 rolls around and I ask him how much longer. He says he had no idea it was going to be that late and he says it should be over soon. So I grab a bite to eat. 8:20 I message him again asking if we can meet closer to my house since. He says ok and "it should be over soon". I'm sitting in my car at 9:00pm and still no word from him.

I called DE and he was annoyed at me calling him and talking about Mike. He straight up tells me "Ok, I don't want to hear about this guy anymore. Either you suck it up and deal with his BS or you dump him and move on. He obviously feels a softball meeting is more important than going on a date with you". No matter how harsh those last words sounded to me, I knew DE was right. Why was I letting this guy just spin me around like this?! he obviously isn't that into me but has ulterior motives of keeping me on the back burner. Like his back up girl. And maybe, just maybe he was out with another girl and he was trying to juggle 2 back to back dates. Seriously, what sort of softball meeting lasts 3 fricken hours?!

So I sent him a text message "This isn't going to work out. [my son] is going to be dropped off in 10 minutes". Then complete silence from his side.

I drove home and cried a little but realized God must had answered my prayer last night. At bible study I asked for prayer regarding him; that if he wasn't intended to be something significant in my life; that God would remove him now.

Wow, sorry it has been so long since I updated my blog. The problem is I am now keeping a public blog here on Vox. I wish I could share that information with you but since I have photos of me and a pretty good size fan base now following my every move on it, I simply can't.

Here's a quick update on my weight loss. I have lost 20 pounds in 3 months. I'm feeling more confident, prettier and sexier. I am still totally single with no bites. Oh unless you want to count the few pathetic messages I have received on myspace from a 20 yr old and a 22 yr old. The 20 yr old said "I would love to have sex with you one day" and today I received a message from a 22 yr old asking if we could be sex buddies. Dorks!

Anyhow, I am doing well. Graduated from college and am now seeking full time employment while working only 1 day a week in my former intern office.

My sister is officially driving me nuts. She's now been living with me for 3 months and I really don't know how much more I can take this. She continuously leaves dirty dishes from her "dinner" making in the sink overnight and sometimes they sit there for 2-3 days. She yells at her son all the time so I am constantly closing my bedroom door to escape her madness. I am a prisoner in my own home. I can't afford my mortgage alone but if things don't shape up, I am going to have to kick her out and find a decent roommate.

Still waiting on prince charming to sweep me off my feet and waiting to fall madly in love with him.

Gamer geek and I have not really spoken much since that last conversation. he is on his yahoo 24/7 and I assume that dork is just playing WoW 24/7 as well. All this talk about "I need to get a job" is just that, talk. It seriously is no wonder why his girlfriend of 4 yrs broke things off with him. He is unmotivated to do something with his life.

DE still insists that we will have wild sex once I hit my goal weight. At his expense. he is willing to fly me out and treat me like a queen. He also shared with me over the weekend how he went to a strip joint and there was a stripper that reminded him of me. "You should take that as a compliment that I paid the thicker stripper in the joint with the smaller boobs because she reminded me of you. I seriously think I have a soft spot for thick latinas".

DE's drinking is out of control. He's always been an avid drinker but he's now getting drunk at noon. He was laid off from his office administration position and is now going to be a substitute teacher while he returns to school to finish his teaching credentials.

During this transition he's been home for 2 weeks and has been drinking late morning/early afternoon. He's been calling me while I am on my break as well and he starts arguing with me about politics when I have no opinion on it. I don't give a damn about politics and I don't follow them at all. He starts getting all worked up towards me and it frustrates me. So I usually have to find a quick excuse to get off the phone with him.

He called me yesterday afternoon at 3pm his time and he is plastered already. He jokes around about cutting off his dick and other stupid things like that. I get frustrated with him and tell him i have to go.

He calls me an hour later and tells me

DE: You made me so mad I went down and dropped off my paperwork
Me: You drove?
DE: Yes
Me: while drunk?
DE: Yes
Me: What the hell is wrong with you??? You not only could have gotten pulled over and lost your license, you could have killed someone.
DE: Yea, but I didn't do any of those things. I drive slower when I am drunk.
Me: Your reflexes are slower when you're drunk, Sherlock!
DE: I have been doing this for years.
Me: You're being stupid! I gotta go.

DE: I've hit an all time low
Me: Why is that?
DE: I ate so much I puked. I didn't think you could puke from eating too much.
Me: And you don't think it was the alcohol?
DE: No, it was a different kind of puke. it was chunky.
Me: I dunno, I've never heard of people puking from eating too much.
DE: Me either but I did. And then I had to have a few more drinks to settle my stomach.
Me: Ok do you realize the problem with what you just said?
DE: Yes, I know it's totally twisted.
Me: I'm just concerned for you.
DE: I take a daily alcholism test and I pass them.
Me: You've just been drinking too much lately DE. I'm worried.
DE: Well it's not a problem ok?
DE: I'm gonna let you go to bed now.

I really don't know what to do about him anymore. He's obviously depressed and dependent on alcohol and I feel helpless because I am 3,000 miles away.

Yesterday I was at my internship at the dental school. I was working with a great dental student. Our patient has a high fear of using a dental dam. (it's a  5 x 5 square piece of latex that slips over 1-5 teeth to isolate the tooth/teeth being worked on). To anchor the damn, a stainless steel clamp is used. It looks like a little horseshoe type. It's not very big and it shouldn't hurt the patient. My dental student got up to discuss something with an instructor regarding the patient's treatment.

During this time she turned to me and asked to see the clamp. The clamps were on the dental student's side so I told her when he returned we could ask him. He returned and I leaned into him and told him she wanted to view the clamp. His instructor followed behind him quickly and sat down ready. The instructor grabbed the clamp and was loading it onto the clamp holder, I leaned over to him and told him she wanted to see it first. he immediately stopped what he was doing and said "Can I speak to you?" He pulled me aside and told me I was being an advocate to the patient and being her voice. After he was done chewing me out I now had to return to my chair and assist him. he didn't show her the clamp, placed it in her mouth and she started to get upset telling him to pull it out and that she didn't like it. he then told the student to record "patient does not do well with rubber dam".

I sat there feeling humiliated and yet I felt I did nothing wrong. As a Dental Assistant we are often the person the patient will be more open to explaining fears and anxiety to. I felt I did the right thing by leaning over and telling the dental student and the dentist. I also felt if a patient asks to see something going in their mouth they have the right to see it. It wasn't like I suggested it. SHE ASKED!

I wanted to cry right then and there. Before going to lunch, I told my instructor what happened and she said I did the right thing and that I did nothing wrong. I was listening to her words and not really feeling too comforted. I kept reflecting over the day whether or not I was out of place.

For my afternoon. I purposely chose to work on the clinic side where that instructor wouldn't be for the remainder of the day. My afternoon was fine but the car ride home was unbearable. I sat there in the back seat while my classmates all called their boyfriends on their cells telling them about their day. I just started feeling overwhelmed and lonely. I am going home to an empty house. My son is with his dad this week. I'm not really close to my roommate. I have no one to come home to and listen to me. No one to hold me and comfort me.

So I called my sister, who generally is my support to fall on. She was having a girls night out with co-workers and was at a bar. I decided to call DE. Even though I had a feeling he would be drunk and interrupt me a million times. He did ok. I bitched and before I knew it I began to cry. It was the first time he had ever heard me cry. He just started to tell me not to cry followed by an "Ok cry!". A few minutes later I felt better and he said he felt so bad that someone mad me cry. I learned something new about DE. It breaks his heart to hear a woman crying.

How pathetic it is when you have to call someone whom you are friends with but have never met to listen to you bitch?!?!

DE just hasn't learned his lesson. He slept with the whorebag (as we call her) again this week. Not once, but two more times. After we had this big long discussion of what a terrible friend he is for cheating with his friend's girl. He assured me it wasn't gonna happen again; that she loved her boyfriend and no longer wanted to cheat on him. So he totally blows me off on Monday when i called him in the evening. He told me "I don't feel like talking tonight". I was completely shocked he said that to me but figured he must have just been in a mood. It turns out he was getting a blow job from the whorebag at that very moment.

He calls me lastnight and is completely drunk. He starts to tell me how he can't take it anymore. He has to stop sleeping with her because he can't fight the guilt and the girl is actually wigging out on him every other day now too. One minute crying why did he let her cheat with him again and the next minute trying to convince him to have sex with her. So during this conversation with him, he tells me that he has made up his mind that he is going to fly me out in February so he can have sex with me. At first I just pretended not to hear it and just tried to be a good listener to him because he obviously feels he needs someone to talk about his guilt with. I know better, when he is drunk i don't take anything he says too seriously. He brought up the subject again a few more times through out the conversation. As much as I like DE as a friend, I just don't think it's a good idea. He even tried to assure me that we wouldn't even have to sleep together, he just needs me to come out there to back up his story. I asked him what story is he talking about.

From what I can make of it, he has told whorebag about me (even though there is nothing to say really. We're just friends.) He told me that flying me out there and him sleeping with me would really piss off whorebag. Apparently he shared with her how much I dislike her for cheating on her boyfriend and that I said I hope she gets caught by her boyfriend so he can dump her and not waste his time. He briefly said "I need to shake her off and me sleeping with you would do it." I responded with "Oh great so now I feel used. Thanks DE.". He just laughed and I told him I needed to head to bed. he attempted to get me to be naughty on the phone but I wasn't in the mood and I knew I had to get up early for my last final.

As I said goodnight to him he tells me "Make that January, ok? I need to meet you as soon as possible, like when I return from my trip." Still in disbelief that he is saying this to me and just to get to bed, I told him "we'll see, ok?"

It's all bad news I don't think I could go through with it.

The only good thing to happen this week is that I finished all of my finals. Woohoo! 3 weeks of winter break!

What the heck is wrong with DE???? So yea he made a big boo boo the other night and sorta had sex/heavy petted his friend's girl. Now he wants to have sex with her for real. He explained to me the next day that even though he did penetrate her, they stopped and made that a boundery. So he said from that point on he just continued to mess around with hands and body parts only.

He called me today to tell me that the "girl" is calling him and telling him she wants more. She wants to have a go at him again. It just makes me so disgusted that here she has this great boyfriend and just because he is killing himself with work and school and doesn't have enough time for the little princess, that she somehow feels justified to cheat on him. Just dump your boyfriend already.

I told DE to distance himself from her now. He said he doesn't know what to do because he feels this compelling tug to want to have sex with her for real this time.

I can't stand cheaters and I simply don't understand them.

This has been an extremely stressful week for me. I had 2 exams and 3 quizzes. I haven't received my X-ray Exam results yet but I am certain I failed it. I scored a B on my 2nd Exam. I got 100% on 1 quiz, a C on another and a 100% on the last one.

This can't be happening to me...
Tuesday night I started reading an article in my Self magazine about a woman who was only 27 years old discovered she had colon cancer. I started to freak out as I read what her symptoms were. I had those same symptoms for the past few years but I noticed they were increasing and becoming more alarming. So I immediately scheduled an appointment with my physician to have her check me out. I prayed so hard the night before "Please God don't let it be cancer. Haven't I been through enough in the past 2 1/2 years? I'm trying God, I really am!"

Thank goodness it isn't colon cancer. I do have to watch my diet more carefully and increase my water & fiber intake now though. She is also concerned I may be anemic and wants me to return to test my blood and also check me for diabetes since I have a family history of it.

Pretty please let me get one!
I was also lacking an internship for my Dental Assisting program. I did find one on Thursday morning though. Yay! I start next Thursday. I'm pretty excited about that.

Another $100 I don't have
I had to drop off my old PC and get it fixed for $109.00 because my new PC still won't be here for another week or so, I imagine. I just can't deal without having a PC right now. not with my online courses and the need for email communication with instructors and classmates for upcoming projects.

Gah! Not more money I don't have!
Yesterday I decided to head to Kaiser to get my son and I the Flu Vaccine. I was sick 2 years ago during finals week and last December I was sick at Christmas and ended up giving it to my family. Whoops! I decided to get the vaccine for us to avoid all that. My son did as horrible handling the shot as I figured he would. I had to lay my leg over his legs to pin them down and I held one arm against my body while my sister held his arm he was getting the injection at steady. Since he is under the age of 9, he has to return in one month for another flu shot.

So we get in my car and I start it up. Instantly I hear this horrible clacking noise. I am scared the car is gonna blow up! I just pray we can make it the 2 miles home since there are several auto repair shops 1/2 a block from our house. They check it out and call to tell me that I need to order a motor for the automatic mirrors. It costs $450. So he tells me I can come down and pay for it now and then they will order the part. I pay and pick up my car only to discover that to fix the noise all that was needed was the power source to be disconnected from the mirror buttons. Do I really need to have the luxury of automatic mirror adjusting that I maybe use once a year? No, not really. Is it a little ghetto? Possibly since it is a "Limited" model but it wasn't a dire need.

So this month I am about -$1800.00 in the hole. I had to use my credit card more than I wanted to because of the cost of school, text books and supplies, DA uniforms and white shoes, purchasing a new PC, getting my old one fixed and now a new motor for my windows!

Oh and to top it off "cute guy at church" has a fiance. He walked in late with her today and she has a ring on her finger.

DE made a boo boo
DE called me this afternoon to tell me he did a very bad thing. He messed around with his friend's girlfriend last night and kinda sorta had sex with her. I don't know what to think of that guy. He called me up 4 nights ago (drunk) and Lord knows why I answered the phone when it was already 12:30am for me and I had to be awake at 5, but I answered it. He tries to convince me to be naughty on the phone with him again. I was resistant the first 20 minutes or so. The next thing I know I am crawling into my closet to do the deed.

After I finish he proceeds to to enter his vulnerable state, in which he tells me things he wouldn't ordinarily tell me.

DE: I don't understand why you are still single. You're beautiful. Really, I think you are so beautiful. There's something about your eyes.
(proceeds to tell me he is now looking at my photos I emailed to him months ago and one which he snagged from my myspace)
Your eyes are so luring.
Me: Interesting.
DE: I can see how people can get lost in them. And your lips. You have beautiful lips. So full and just yummy. You also have really nice shaped eyebrows.
Me: (laughing) Oh my gosh, you are the second man to compliment my eyebrows. I think it's so weird.

DE: I'm serious. You shape them so nicely. I'll never forget that night I saw you on the webcam for the first time.You looked so gorgeous. Your hair was straight and sexy. You looked like a model (insert graphic "C" word here) to me. I just don't understand why you are single still.

At this point I simply can't take listening to him anymore and I tell him it's late and I should go. I don't know why I find myself being lured into being his private "phone sex kitten". When he isn't horny we can talk on the phone just fine. Like best friends. he gives sound advice and I usually straighten him out when he gets off track.

I think I should just start avoiding his calls when he is drunk. I'm not sure if it's even fair to suggest I have a crush on him although I think I may. I'm not upset that he messed around with some girl last night. Not the least bit jealous but I am disappointed that it was with a girl who is in a relationship. He has been hurt by a cheating gf and he knows I have.

I have this friend I've never met. I'll refer to him as DE. We are friends that met through a MMORPG (for those of you who are clueless that that is, it is a massive multiplayer online role playing game.) At first he was just like any other Joe in game. We'd chat in the game. I'd hear him bitch about other players etc. I would see the stuff he said to other players and often though he was the true definition of a jackass. No tact, he just says what's on his mind and he could care less if it is gonna offend.

Sometime in November of last year, he gave me his cellphone number to wake him up for an event we were doing in the game. I was hesitant to accept his number and be his "alarm clock". Anyhow, I called him and he said thanks and we hung up right away. I called him on New Year's Eve after one too many drinks. The calls became more frequent over time, usually me being the one to initially call him. He then started calling me while we were playing the game and then I noticed he started calling me when he wasn't in game. He would call me while he was drunk and our conversations would get more intense and he started to make it obvious he was interested in me sexually.

I'm not sure how it started but we started to have weekly "sessions". I'll leave that up to your imagination.

I would say he calls me more now than I call him. Several times within the past 2 weeks he has talked about the idea of flying out to meet me or pay for my flight out to meet him.

I can't stand him sometimes. He's a prick and a horrible drunk when he does drink. He says things that offend me. I know about 90% of his view towards women and relationships. He has openly said he plans on cheating on his women the rest of his life because that's just who he is. He doesn't believe in God but he does respect my belief and doesn't challenge me etc. He hates kids. He smokes cigarettes and he also smokes pot. he is only one inch taller than me. You see where I am going with this? He is totally the wrong man for me. I would never get involved with him in a million years. He is the man that we woman run away from like hell when we see them walking towards us.

And for some unknown reason, I am attracted to him. I can honestly say it's not physically because I have never seen his face. I would go as far as to say I have a small crush on him and if we were too meet, yea I would probably be intimate with him. I avoid the topic of meeting every time he brings it up. He's so bad for me that I know that would only open the door to a world of trouble.

Last night several times during the conversation he brought up meeting one another. I was honest with him and told him I fear meeting him. He understands my fears and he remains optimistic. I know meeting him will drastically change things between us. I will continue to avoid it at all cost.