6 posts tagged “ex”

I’m afraid to admit this. It’s pretty frightening to throw this out there because I fear what it really means and what other people would think of me. While I was down visiting my parents and family over the Thanksgiving holiday.

Click to read the rest of this post

This needs to be done! It's time.

Reasons why I am glad to not be with my ex-husband anymore:

1.) He has ADHD and makes it too difficult to hold conversations with him. I would have to make sure he isn't watching TV, reading a book, looking at a magazine, eating, sleeping, breathing.

2.) If he stubs his toe the entire neighborhood also now knows how much it hurt him and the neighborhood kids have just now learned new ways to use the "F word".

3.) He goes off and buries his face in a book at family functions instead of socializing with family. (Man I hated that.)

4.) He has a fit if his syrup isn't hot. He will send it back to the waitress until it is hot.

5.) He's selfish. He will put his needs above all else. One time our baby was crying because he was hungry and he refused to feed him because he said he himself was starving and needed to eat first.

6.) He's selfish in bed.

7.) He's a sex addict. He was diagnosed a few years into our marriage and it made it so hard.

8.) He has anger issues and throws things and growls when he is mad.

9.) He cheated on me.

10.) Did I mention he cheated on me?

Ok now the real reason why I posted this. I found out today he is engaged to a woman he has only been seeing for 2 months. You'd think he would take his time before rushing into marriage. When we first separated he was adamant about not ever getting married again. Now all of a sudden he changes his mind.

This does not sit easy with me. No, I do not want him back. haven't you been following my blog long enough to know that's not it. Yes, deep down I am still hurt about how he did me wrong but I know I am better off. I know God has a good man for me out there. It might be Mike and it might not. All I know is I can foresee him going through divorce #2 if he isn't straight up honest with her about his sex addiction. That problem needs to be nipped in the bud now before it grows into a real problem.

I was grocery shopping on Monday evening after a long day of school and I ended up bumping into the wife of my ex's best friend. Gossip within our then; network of friends was horrid. I just knew how this was gonna go. She was surprisingly pleasant but she said something that has been bugging me for two nights now. She said my ex had said "Yea, I messed up" in regards to our marriage ending.

My ex has never said anything remotely close to that. He has never expressed nor even hinted any sort of remorse or apology. In his eyes he did no wrong. He claims to have never actually cheated on me; which is total BS. She flew out here 1 week before I found out about them and he expects me to believe they never kissed nor slept together???

I'm not even sure this woman said it just to make conversation and be polite or if he really said it.

Now don't take all this as I am hoping he'll tell me "Baby I made a bad mistake, I love you and wanna be with you" type of stuff. I know he has moved on and so have I. (It's been 3 years.) I just want him to own up to it and tell me "I'm sorry I hurt you". I just want an apology that I know will never happen. It's just a thought and that's why it was bothering me. Like I said, she may have just threw that in to make conversation.

Ever just felt like an apology was owed to you and never got it?

I can't help but think how unfair life has been to me compared to my ex. He is in his 3rd relationship in the 3 years we've been divorced. He has never been alone for more than 2 weeks. I can't help but get annoyed by the fact that I am still single and have not had any sort of relationship that has lasted past 3 months since.

To be fair I also have not been on a date since August 2007. I'm latina with a decent body. I'm not too fat and not too skinny. I could definitely afford to lose 30-40 pounds (which I have been working on). I get told from numerous men on Myspace and okcupid that I am "hot" or "cute". I'm not a golddigger nor do I feel a man has to be a perfect 10 (I'd definitely settle for a high 7. Nah in all seriousness, i just expect to be attracted to him.) I must not be all that bad, right?

I get impatient and I feel like dating online just isn't worth it. I am just waiting for the right man to message me and that I end up feeling instant chemistry with him...yad, yada, yada. I know this is very unlikely to happen and yet I am holding out for it.

I know my biggest barrier is the fact that I am looking for an attractive man whom also believes in God and is on the same spiritual level as me. That just knocked out about 95% of the available men within a 500 mile radius of me. *sigh*

I started my internship today at a Pedontist office. I couldn't help but notice that all the DA's are adorable and married. Even the fat, moustached female DA is married. I'm cute dammit!

In a moment of relapse I decided to Google my ex's email address. I'm glad I did. For whatever reasons last night's talk with him actually had me think for a brief moment "what if he still cared for me". I actually thought for a few seconds "maybe in a few months we could become closer again". Then I see some of the sites he has profiles on. All are adult sites. I literally began to feel my dinner about to come up. He has spiraled even deeper into his sexual addiction.

No way in hell would I want to try and be with him again I pity him and it's obvious we definitely don't feel the same way about life and what's in store. He's living in the moment and I am living in the what may come.

I crave a meaningful relationship filled with love, joy and happiness. Someone to be by my side until the end. Now that I had this quick slap on the face I can proceed once again with my dating ventures.

On another note I bought an amazing sugar scrub from Bath & Body Works in  Black Currant Vanilla scent.

It's part of their aromatherapy line. It's to heighten your sensuality. It smells amazing and feels even more amazing. It's an exfoliating scrub but it also moisturizes the skin.

Four weeks after the fact, my ex actually tells me tonight that him and the whore broke up. (Yes, I call his gf a whore.) Let me give you a little background on this.

My ex and I were high school sweethearts. We were each other's "first love" and first sexual encounter. We married young. I was 20 and he was 21. 5 years into our marriage I gave birth to our son. Two years after my son was born, my ex decided to leave our 8 year marriage for a woman he played an online video game with, whom was also married and lived in Texas. They have been together for the past 2 1/2 years.

Anyhow, back to tonight. He arrives to pick up our son for the weekend and decides to start up an interesting conversation.

Him: So I have something of interest for you
Me: Hmm?
Him: Well, Karen and I broke up
Me: And why would this interest me?
Him: shrugs Well I dunno
Me: Oh because I hate her?
He laughs.
Me: Lance, I never hated you.
Him: I know
Me: I just hated her and was hurt by the way things went down. Had it been anyone else after the fact, I would have been happy for you.
Him: Yea
Me: sarcasticaly Well for what it's worth, I'm sorry to hear that.
Him: I know. Well anyhow, I couldn't leave him motioning to our son and she didn't want to move here.

After he left and I closed the door behind him, I stood there frozen in my tracks. Questioning as to why would he tell me this. Did he have some secret motive? Perhaps trying to see a reaction of jealous rage or to see if I would be so cold to him indicating I could never forgive him?

His mother still has high hope that we will get back together. I could never be second choice though. He chose her over me. He chose her over our family. On several holidays including father's day 2 years in a row, he chose her over our son. I dunno what to think of all this. Deep down I know I have enough capacity to fall in love with him all over again but in the 2 1/2 years we have been apart, I have come to realize he never was the man I hoped he would be.