5 posts tagged “la”

2 weeks later and I finally speak to Chris about the entire booty call situation. I was honest how I felt towards him. I told him I felt completely rejected and he assured me he did not reject me. For simplicity sake, my conversation is the black and his is the blue.

Whyfore has you disappeared from the realm of my existence?
i dunno
embarassed i guess
Oiy!
No embarrassment!
 well you totally rejected me
Baaahhh
Did not.
yea, ya did
No I didn't, I still maintain I was about to have sex with you that last night, but you unfortunately took the herpes joke literally and personally, and things went south
well you were more than hesitant and the herpes joke became like your last blow to ensure I would leave it alone
so naturally I felt completely rejected by you, the one who I said I felt safe with
Well, I'm sorry for that.  I do feel badly about how things turned out.  I don't really want the friendship to be weird because I didn't sleep with you.  ::frowns:: I was honest with you before I came to Cali and said I couldn't guarantee anything.
well it's weird
i can't tell you how much I thought about it afterwards
my self esteem was totally shot
yes you did say you wouldn't know how things would be but then the last few conversations you had completely flipped and seemed to be more certain it would happen
worse than a woman!
Yeah, I'm a bit wonky.
Well I didn't know you had invested so much into sleeping with me that it would kill your self esteem.  I know you won't either believe me or understand that the reason I didn't sleep with you, really had nothing to do with anything I did or didn't like about you.
just imagine how you would feel if the tables were turned
Well.. you weren't the only one looking forward to it.
if I sat there masturbating to you over the phone, and talking sexy to you on the chat and then we meet and you attempted a move and I told you " I'm just not horny"
And I actually WAS just about to call ya over to my bed, heck I had been stroking myself for like 10 minutes before I made the herpes joke.  Which..apparently my penis is sensitive to the mood in a room, cause he went totally dead as soon as I picked up your reaction.
well it wasn't funny if that was your intent
it was a total mood killer and made me mad at you
It was meant to be funny.
Every now and then, I do say something dumb.
with the intentions of offending someone?
Considering how often we talked, I'm allowed one dumb thing now and then. it's just unfortunate it
How would I know you'd take my making a joke about herpes, a joke I've made with other people, as me calling you a slut.
Heck I've accused my brother in law of giving me herpes.
Hardly think he's a slut. ><
because usually a joke is partial truth
 ...
Considering you can get herpes from a towel..
I don't see someone being a slut because they have it
I swear, I didn't reject YOU. I know you'll feel that I did, but I swear I didn't.
i do not know how to accept what you say is true
I just beat myself up. I'm too fat, too ugly, too annoying, not smart enough
Oiy. happened right before nooky.
(my friend) came and tried to cheer me up and yes he did try to hit on me
and I just ignored his efforts and a day or two later I wondered if that was the same situation with us
Okay.
i never see (my friend) romantically and I would not sleep with him
Let me ask you something.
Let's say the situation was switched.
If you went into a "booty call" with a good friend who you've had for a couple of years, and you were flip flopping all over the place before anything happened.  Would you expect that friend to place so much importance on that booty call that they'd kill their self esteem because it didn't happen?
Cause I didn't realize this was important enough to you that if it didn't happen, that you'd be this down on yourself, especially considering that you didn't get rejected.
We're friends before we're a booty call, and I have been nothing but honest with you.
you'll never see it as rejecting me because you don't want to feel any blame for it
Yes, I wanted to sleep with you before I went, and yes, I wanted to sleep with you while I was there, but for some reason, I just wasn't comfortable with the situation until that last night, then I made that stupid joke that you took far more personally than I thought you would.
i'm a woman Chris, its only natural for me overanalyze why things didn't happen
I overanalyze too.
and unfortunately it starts with me feeling I am inadequate
i wasn't comfortable the first night
and chances are if things would have progressed I probably would have gotten over it and embarrassed just being with you
so that last night I knew it was the last attempt
and you were a hard nut to crack and with you being so hesitant, I was already feeling rejected even as I was trying to coax you into the situation
oops embraced not embarrassed
Well my mistake is that I didn't consider that you might take the situation as seriously as it was taken.  I looked at it due to the previous conversations as just a booty call that may or may not happen with two friends, and if it didn't, we'd be all good.
I'm sure it was pretty obvious days before that it was going to happen more so than not
it's not so much the point that I was expecting it to happen
it's the fact that I attempted, heck I would have physically tried to arouse you but I was seriously afraid you would physically push me away
which would have been even more embarrassing
Well that last night I would have, I was just trying to think of a way to say, get your butt over.  Which, in hindsight, I should have just said, get your butt over here.
well clearly you fail!
all you had to do was say ok!
I know.
i was just trying to think of an appropriately witty and cute way to do it
instead you prevail at killing the mood!

Not much else to say or do now so I am not sure where to go from here. I don't want to lose his friendship but I never even got to what had happened on Sunday. In which he ditched our plans to hang out to be with his family.

It's 2 more days until my trip to Anaheim. I decided to take the opportunity to shop for much needed jean shorts/skirts/tops and some other miscellaneous items.

Here is my makeup haul. I had a Macy's giftcard leftover from my birthday. After trying on about 10 pairs of DKNY, juicy and Calvin & Klein Jeans, I decided just to use my card on some MAC products.

I also got the HIP paints to try out as a base for my pigments to see if I can pop the colors more. I read a review today on L'Oreals HIP Paints and after reading such a positive review, I decided to try them. I was planning on going out to buy MAC's painterly Paint Pot today anyhow. I got some awesome new

MAC eye shadows. So darn pricey but MAC has some pretty amazing products.

BD_junehaul

The crazy part is she now posts a photo with a look for people to try and recreate and post their pictures of it. I may actually try this week's look tomorrow. I'm so silly.

So what exactly makes a perfectly normal single mother and new graduate run out and buy new clothes, make up and pretty panties from Victoria's Secret??? Vacation of course!

I guess I just want to put my best foot forward and look beautiful everyday. It is on my 21 things to do at 43 things.

Well I should be getting back to laundry and figuring out how to cram all of my hair products into the same clothing suitcase so as to avoid having to pay an additional baggage fee.

Weight loss update:

It is my 6 weeks mark today and I am down 15 pounds. I feel good and I am pretty sure I am looking good. My pants are easier to put on and I was even able to wear a size 12 at American Eagle today. Sure it was snug but I could button the jeans up without too much effort.

I am still vlogging away about my weight loss on Youtube and I really think it has been the reason for my success so far. I don't want to let my subscribers down!

So I have been studying my arse off the past 2 days preparing for my written board that was scheduled for today. I arrive 30 minutes before exam time as directed. They ask for my driver's license, so I hand it to them and they tell me it is expired. Quickly I respond with "No it isn't". Yes, yes it was. It expired on my birthday in May. I never received any sort of notification from the DMV and I do not expect my license all the time anticipating it's expiration.

They tell me they cannot give me the exam unless I have a valid license or passport. I do not have a passport so my only option was to head straight to the DMV to take care of getting a new license ASAP. I almost broke down as soon as I got back out to my car but then I figured it was all for a good reason. Maybe I wasn't mentally ready for this exam yet. And thank God it was discovered now rather then 2 months from now at my practical exam that is only scheduled once every 3 months! I would have absolutely died if that happened!

Anyhow, after waiting over 1 1/2 hours for my number to be called, I get a customer service agent with a sense of humor and a pinch of boldness. First he tells me how different I look now compared to my old license picture. I explain to him that I have dropped a lot of weight since. So then he starts inquiring about how much did I weigh then and then he asks what do I weigh now. So I tell him "202" and he then says well your form you just filled out says 195, so you're lying? I told him "Yes, yes I am lying". He then asks if I want him to record 202 or do I want 195. I tell him just put 195. I then explain to him my dilema about flying on Tuesday and not having a valid license. he responds with "Are you always this paranoid?" I tell him, well I am just concerned because you are going to confiscate my old license right? he doesn't respond but he hands me back my old license and my little slip of paper that says I have a valid license. So now I am just hoping the airline company accepts my expired license as a form of photo ID.

I spoke to Chris last night on the phone and it has pretty much been decided by him that he is going to share my hotel room with me when I head to LA next week. To be honest I am pretty freaked out about it. I haven't shared a bed with anyone since I was dating David a few years ago. Not only that but all the other "stuff" freaks me out. Ok I mean pooping. I'm a poop at home only type of woman. I can poop at my parents home and my sister's but that's it!

Also having him sleep in the same bed may prevent me from sleeping at all. Either I will be so paranoid about passing gas in my sleep all night long or I will also be afraid I may snore. You know, all the normal things you worry about the first time you have someone spend the night with you. We are not a couple so that is what makes it all the more weird. We're friends..yea we're just friends. Ok we're most likely going to be friends with 1 week benefits. But that's it, just friends. This is going to be so weird.

2 more days until my graduation and 6 more days until my vacation!

Meet my new weight loss buddy/coach.

I've survived 3 weeks on my diet and exercise plan. I only went over my calorie count once this week and it was only by 120 calories. No real damage. I happily report that I lost 2 pounds this week. Yay! That is a total of 10 pounds since I began.

I have 3 more weeks to try and drop 9 pounds before my LA trip so I can look and feel fantastic before meeting Chris and meeting up with some other friends. It's crazy that I care about what I look like when I meet Chris when this is clearly a physical thing and I may never even see him again after this. I know I am not just doing this for Chris. I just want to be pleasing to the eye I guess.

I love that I am so motivated to get below my pre-pregnancy weight. I have full faith in myself that I can reach that goal.

Oh yea, I am totally addicted to Metro Station - Shake it. The song has been stuck in my head for a week now. It's so darn catchy!